Hello Everyone. Back in the day i made a bunch of movie reviews, and I was very proud of them. People read them, commented on it, and also left their thoughts about the movie. I loved this because I could see everyone elses thoughts on this movie, if they liked it or not… BUT THIS MOVIE
IF YOU LIKED THIS SHIT?
oh I’m concerned. You must take riverdale seriously too huh?
You disgust me. Lets talk about this movie now.
Ooooh boy, The Book Of Henry! you know honestly I never think I watched a movie so bad it didnt leave me laughing once but instead left me leading my chair, walking 10 feet away and screaming “WHY DID SARAH SILVERMAN KISS A TEEN? ON THE LIPS?!”
Anyone else ever notice the trend of like Stranger Things or the cast of the new It being in god awful movies? sigh alright! Lets start things off with a bang, Jaeden Martell plays Henry, who is possibly one of the worst characters I’ve ever seen. Not only is he some super genius, hes a super genius asshole. He talks back to his teachers in the movie, he somereason does his moms taxes while she plays Gears Of War??? Thats a literal thing. The teen smart boy does his moms taxes. If you’d like to know why she doesnt work, THE BOY HAS STOCKS! WALL STREET STOCKS! He literally treats her as a TEENAGER!! She does nothing adult-y and just follows her sons lead, its so weird.
You call that a Pup on Wall Street if you ask me, instead the kid would’ve been killed in a week for probably antagonizing some muggers.
Anyways, He has a brother who basically does nothing in the plot. Let me get that out of the way he fucking sucks. Thats all you need to know about him, hes bad, hes boring, he shouldnt even be there.
Now, where the plot picks up is where Henry apparently sees his next door neighbor who he likes get abused. Yep. Through the window. Wanna know the crazy part? THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE… THERE IS NO EvidenCE! The shots of the window that we see? Literally doesnt even look like he did anything. In fact he didnt, but of course Henry is so damn smart and just knows and of course hes right because ‘fuck you, im a genius. I spit on your pea brain’.
Anyways the kid has a seizure or something like that and that was the only time that you feel happy. When I say Henry is an asshole, I mean it. I mean when youre supposed to feel sad for him he tells the doctors as their diagnosing him what he really got and what really happened, so then youre like “oh fuck off you r/imsosmart cocky asshole.” The thing is I don’t think they tried to make him bad at all but he comes off as such an asshole throughout the movie, its so so bad. It feels great when hes in a hospital dying. If you wanna know why I support that more, please keep reading. Anyways, remember when I said Sarah Silverman kisses Henry? Well, this is when. Sarah Silverman is the moms friend and for somereason she kisses this kid on the lips and I wanna know where Sarah Silverman thought her career was heading with a scene like that. SHE WAS DOING WRECK IT RALPH!
Anyways the kid dies and the cause for celebration ends when the mom goes into his room and finds his book. So on the offchance that Henry knew her mom so well, he wrote…
Youre gonna love this…
For her mom…
The way to Kill her neighbor.
Off a whim. And the best part? SHE GOES THROUGH IT! He doesn’t even give SOLID evidence, except for the time she looked through the window, saw something that mUST HAVE BEEN WHAT HE SAW (even though again it wasnt even hinting at anything),shes just like “well if my super smart and dead kid says so looks like i cant grind on gears of war for a little while.” The best part to me is the fact that he left her this audio instructional for her, and she goes through it, and the whole time he’s antagonizing her like “yeah i bet you didn’t know that” and he basically knows exactly what she’s gonna do.
Anyways so she buys a sniper on her sons behalf so she can kill her neeeighhborrrr, like you do in the afterlife. She trains and all of that in the comfort of… her backyard… like under a hundred yards from where her neighbors house is.
You know Henry, and I cant believe I’m saying this, if you wanted to kill your neighbor maybe you shouldn’t tell your mom to train in her yard. So she starts to train to kill him, and the day of the murder is on the day of the play so the daughter doesnt see her dad get shot, and just before shes about to, the guy comes out, and APPARENTLY SHE HAS DIRT THAT WEVE NEVER HEARD OF! Like unexcused absents and bruises, and it was swept under the rug because the neighbors brother is a police officer, like REALLY? If you wanted to hammer it home instead of assumptions for mostly all the movie, it would’ve been nice to be told that. So basically the neighbor and the mom argues and have this stand off, and hes all like “what u gonna do huh” and shes like “i will go to everyone like the fbi and the the the newspaper” and hes like “well im gonna go die now” and he does, he game ends himself, and yeah. So she goes by henrys plan and instead of killing him, she throws the gun into the river and goes back to the school talent play. Her son does this magic trick, yeah the boy that doesnt matter until now.
The whole time during this magic trick its built up like he’s gonna literally bring him back to life so its kindof funny because everyone around him watching the show is like “did… did the kid fucking dig up his dead brother?” Which honestly wouldve been the creme of the top. Instead its just this big ol foam bomb thing that his brother taught him in the beginning of the movie.
And everyone clapped like he did something monumental. Its treated like he actually did this amazing magic trick while literally he just made pretty effect.
So, the ending. She adopts her now deads neighbors daughter and happily lives off her dead sons stocks and thats the happy ending? No because I had to watch it.
This movie is really weird? I feel like the only people that watched this like seeked out it must’ve seen it because I looked up clips of the movie and painfully watched them and read the comments too and people genuinely liked it? Which cant be possible. Then again the movie clips literally only show snippets to make it look good. But Rotten Tomatoes and everything else says its awful, and the fact i watched it with friends too makes it worse. Anyways Imma head off now, i hope you enjoyed, this movie is a travesty, goodnight.