No Spoiler Aladdin Review: I Hate Jams

The day I dreaded for happened when my family asked if I wanted to see Aladdin in theaters. I went because, you know, free movie. A little bit of me really wanted to be shocked and enjoy this movie alot, maybe Disney would finally know what they are doing with Live Adaptations. I hoped, but, alas… this movie was ass. Not as ass as i thought it would be, but thats like trying to buy Shrek 3 or Shrek 4, it’s still ass. Not stinky, just smelly. Very smelly.

Aladdin - 30%

The face is my reaction to this whole movie. It wasn’t good. I was mostly bored watching it if anything and everything looked boring. Some visuals were nice, but just nice. Same with the songs. Some were alright… just alright. The music is a big miss here. The only one I was enjoying was A Friend Like Me because it had a new spin on it, and Prince Ali, even though it looked fucking bland, sounded nice too. But the song that everyone probably remembers the most, A Whole New World, HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A BORING SCENE! In the animated version theyre going to places and its visually beautiful and there is so much chemistry between jasmine and aladdin, but WOW this was boring and it didn’t even sound good. I think I blanked out during it because I can’t remember a single appealing thing about it!
Lets also talk about Jasmine and Aladdin. Jasmine has a good singing voice, and I like that they gave her more character, but her performance comes off ‘eh’ and at some points I thought I was watching a more better Hannah Stocking, which is just passable. Aladdin was probably the second worse? He just was boring. He wasn’t really fun, just, bland. He looks the part, he sounds it, but the acting between him and jasmine is so cringe and boring, theres not an ounce of chemistry its just actors trying to have chemistry whrte they clearly don’t have any. Its just boring and uninteresting. They give Jasmine a new song, and it’s okay, the shots bother me a lot though. So basically they are below average together, jasmine is passable, and Aladdin is just bad.
Now, let’s get on what is terrible; the writing, the songs, and best of all, dollar store Jafar was just terrible. I swear they didn’t give a shit about his character, they just threw in a guy. He’s so terrible at some points I just laugh! He’s not intimidating, he’s a fucking child! In the animated one he’s intimidating, he’s a trickster, and he is also patient and smart. This one is like a fucking child crying because mommy didn’t get him candy from the store, he’s so bad! Its laughable how bad he is. His motive is I WANT POWER AND I WANT IT NOW like a fucking toddler, and it isn’t terrifying, it’s cringey. He’s so so so so so bad, and he’s not good. So yeah fuck that role you made Jafar into a child you dumb fucking Guy Ritchie only made one good movie motherfucker.

The Comedy is bad. It’s bad. I never found myself laughing with them but at how cringey it is, and I swear they throw in a cleaning your woman parts joke in there? Which was just really… bad. It was going off of awkward comedy, which I can enjoy a lot, but it was so not good awkward comedy it’s just boring and I only chuckled once and thats because of one ONE REDEEMING QUALITY IN THIS WHOLE MOVIE! Oh and lil non special spoiler they keep trying to make Jams a fucking joke and reference it 4 times and it was not working with anyone in the audience, it was just stupid. BUT THE ONE REDEEMING QUALITY…
Will Smith as genie is the only thing that makes this movie at all. Without him on the screen, it’s pretty boring, and I just think half of it isnt because of Genie, it’s because Will Smith is just that charming. I do like that he gave the genie a new character and way of acting, it’s nice to see, and he does a pretty alright job at it.
SMALL SPOILER I do like what happens to him and I like a character who was literally just thrown in to develop more of a story with genie, but it isn’t really bad, it’s sortof ‘aw’ they gave more chemistry then Aladdin and Jasmine atleast.

SPOILER OVER
The Sultan did a good job, and I liked that they gave a main guard more character. It was useless and stupid but new. But they were mostly just fine.

Giving this movie a 30% is me being kind. I was gonna give it a 35% but then they had to end it by fucking DANCING and holy cliche that is. Jafar isn’t a villain he’s a cry baby, and Jasmie and Aladdin aren’t anything but actors with forced chemistry. Will Smith is enjoyable, and thats it. Just… don’t watch in theatres. Maybe watch when it’s out of theaters and on netflix. Don’t spend money on it though, that’s like spending money on shrek 3 and 4. Goodbye :slight_smile:

6 Likes

Okay I saw Hannah Stocking’s name in there and now I’m not sure whether to watch this movie or not…

2 Likes

It’s really just a passable movie. I’d like to forget it existed and just watch the animated one again

I’ll watch it just to make a Youtube video on how bad it is LOL … On Tuesdays movies are $5 so why not i guess

2 Likes

Or you could get 5 McChickens instead

1 Like

i’m starting to like your idea better

2 Likes

Reboots typically dissapont so I’m not surprised. I’m waiting for this get to netflix

3 Likes