Hey there guys! I know all of you guys aren’t sports fans, let alone nfl fans. But hey, I wasnt a leicester fan until last year, and I wasn’t a fan of NCAA Basketball until this year. If I can try new things, so can you! Now, I’m sure you are confused by some things: “But I live in Europe!” just move to america, silly. “But what team would I root for?” Well that’s what I am here for. I’m going to tell you guys each NFL Team, and you may decide who to root for before the season begins! here we go
Green Bay Packers - Do you want a quarterback whos getting too old for this shit? Do you want a team that has no kicker? Do you want a team that now is free of a bad man? The Packers are the team for you!
Chicago Bears - Do you like a team with defense as powerful as a 18 wheeler to a smart car, but an offense that flip flops like a pancake? Do you also fear field goals? The Bears are the team for you!
Detriot Lions - Do you want to believe that you have some offense but in reality you have Matt Stafford and former players who played for the Patriots? Do you want to be the fan of the Patriot Rejects? Do you want to root for a team that fails harder than their Motor Industry? The Lions are the team for you!
Minnesota Vikings - Do you like to cheer by clapping? Do you want to be the joke of the NFC North even though you’re actually pretty good, but because of a couple games? Do you want mild dissapointment? The Vikings are the team for you!
Pittsburg Steelers - Do you want to root for a team that each week has more drama then the next? Do you wanna bandwagon not a cheater but a alleged did not ask for consent QB? Do you want to wonder ‘what went wrong?’ The Steelers are the team for you!
Baltimore Ravens - Do you want a team that’s defense is going to fall apart in front of your eyes? Do you want to have a team that has a running back disguised as a quarterback? Do you enjoy being reminded that you had Ray Rice? The Ravens are the team for you!
Cincinnati Bengals - Do you want a fresh new start? Do you wanna see where this team would go with a new head coach? Do you maybe want to see one winning season each 5 years? The Bengals are the team for you!
Cleveland Browns - Do you wanna root for the biggest bandwagon, not because their good, but because they’ve been bad for so long? Do you want to jump on when they might actually start looking like a team? Do you wanna claim Mayfield and Beckham Jr to be your gods? The Browns are the team for you!
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Do you want a defense made of paper? Do you want a quarterback who sucks but STILL will start? Do you want to forever just suck? The Buccanners are the team for you!
Atlanta Falcons - Do you want a team that is almost as dissapointing as their college football brothers, Georgia? Do you want a team that blows games? Do you want a Quarterback with possibly the whitest name ever, Matt Ryan? The Falcons are the team for you!
Carolina Panthers - Do you want a Quarterback who’s fashion just amazes you each press conference? Do you want a running back who runs the whole offense because the rest of the offense is pure trash? Do you want to be the team that will never be as good as their rivals? The Panthers are the team for you!
New Orleans Saints - Do you forever wanna bitch about pass interference but also blew a 13 point lead anyways? Do you wannt the team that will fall apart when their quarterback finally retires? Do you want a running back who says they are literally charizard? The Saints are the team for you!
Tennessee Titans - Do you want a starting quarterback who, when touched, will break some sort of bone? Do you want a powerful defense that will always answer? Do you want an offense that will never answer to answer that defense that answers? The Titans are the team for you!
Houston Texans - Do you think you’re good? Do you worship JJ Watt? Do you wanna worship a team that really has no rivals, really isnt always good, but still no one seems to hate? The Texans are for you?
Jacksonville Jaguars - Do you want a fearing defense who will only collaspe 6 times a season for no reason at all? Are you looking for a lot of drama where apparently everyone hates eachother in the locker room? Do you wanna root for a guy who also has the biggest schlong in the history of ever, nicknamed Big Dick Nick? The Jaguars are the team for you!
Indianapolis Colts - Do you want a wholesome quarterback who is always just happy to be there? Do you want an explosive offense that torches the field? Do you want to at first suck, then be amazing the halfway through the season? The Colts are the team for you!
Dallas Cowboys - Do you wanna be so called ‘america’s team’ ? Do you want a defense that is insanely good, but your offense only scores about 20 points a game? Do you still wanna win most your games by only scoring around 20 points a game? The Cowboys are the team for you!
New York Giants - Do you want a team that is constantly getting back luck? Do you just want to stop starting Eli Manning after complaining to unbench Eli Manning 2 seasons ago? Do you want a running back who has sexy big legs? The Giants are the team for you!
Washington Redskins - Do you want a team that has 3 insanely good runningbacks but no quarterback? Do you want an extremely intelligent defense, but an offense that doesn’t like to answer? Do you want to only be known for your controversial name by people who dont pay attention to sports? The Redskins are the team for you!
Philadelphia Eagles - Do you want a team thats wholesome but a fan base thats insane? Do you want to wish for Big Dick Nick back? Are you ready to say this for the next 5 years? The Eagles are the team for you!
New England Patriots - Are you an asshole? Do you like quarterbacks that kiss their sons on the lips? Do you want to be hated by everyone but you don’t care because you’re on a high horse of superbowls? Do you want me to hate you?The Patriots are the team for you!
Miami Dolphins - Do you want a team that I cant decide is good or bad? Do you want a team that has a QB known for being Magic and Tragic? Do you want to beat the darth vader of the NFL each year at home? The Dolphins are the team for you!
New York Jets - Do you want a team who should be good but sucks? Do you want a team that looks like they just stole a highschool teams uniform? Do you want a team that has an explosive offense that isnt reliable, a defense that isnt reliable, and is as reliable as your ex? The Jets are the team for you!
Buffalo Bills - Do you want a team that has an insanely good defense? Do you want to randomly beat one good team and then lose against medicore and bad teams afterwards? Do you want a qb that can throw 60+ yards but wont throw accurately? The Bills are the team for you!
Los Angeles Rams - Do you wanna be apart of the Rams fanbase which consist of 10 fans? Do you want to be known as the offense who couldnt even score 6 points against the patriots? Do you want to be the most dissapointing team ever? The Rams are the team for you!
San Francisco 49ers - Ah yes, my favorite team. I love these boys, so obviously I don’t have any hate towards them right?
Do you wanna be dumb? Do you wanna have bad luck and your only answer to a winning season broken? Do you wanna have a defense that had 2 interceptions the whole season and their answer to that is to GET MORE PASS RUSHERS, DRAFT A PASS RUSHER, AND NOT GET A CORNERBACK OR SAFETY, BUT CONTINUE TO BE STUPID AND NEVER WANT TO HAVE A CHANCE TO BEAT ANYONE WHO CAN THROW ATLEAST 150 YARDS A FUCKING GAME?!
Youre my new friend if you cheer for the 49ers.
Seattle Seahawks - Do you wanna be apart of the most passionate fans in the nfl? Do you want a team that will run all over the field till the ends of the earth? Do you want a team that you might enjoy if they can win, but will lose in a tragic sad last second way? The Seahawks will be the team for you!
Arizona Cardinals - Do you wanna cry? Piss your pants maybe? Maybe shit and (i cant say the word)? The cardinals are the team for you!
Denver Broncos - Do you want a team to, who when dealt with a problem, picks up washed up quarterbacks? Do you want a team that has a defense that is feared by each QB, but its okay because if you score more than 2 touchdowns, you win? Do you want a runningback who is extremely great but only plays home games? The Broncos are the team for you!
Oakland Raiders - Do you want to be the team that now holds the asshole of the nfl Antonio Brown? Do you want to be promised stuff by your coach who will deliver in about ten years? Do you want to have vicious fans who are too passionate about this terrible team? The Raiders are the team for you!
Los Angeles Chargers - Do you want to have one of the best teams in the league but still not be as good as the chiefs? Do you want to be outnumbered by opponent’s fans even at home games… At every home game? Do you want to root for the man who has 10 kids? The Chargers are the team for you!
Kansas City Chiefs - Do you wanna have an insane offense, with the best quarterback in the league, but lose games because your defense is trash? Do you yearn to be the next big thing in the nfl? Do you want to be push back that your best offensive players always have something happen to them because of abuse? The Chiefs are the team for you!
Thats it. I think I made this pretty fair. Now pick your team and root!!!