I like the ideas behind both of them. Both legitimately good ideas.
That being said: I do think both could’ve been executed better in a shorter format.
Here’s why: The viewer doesn’t need that much of the song to get the jokes here. Putting too much time into the lead up, especially with jokes that lean heavily on musical material, is exhaustive and it tends to lose peoples interest quicker.
For example, this was my personal initial response to both:
First video I stopped watching before I even got to the end and didn’t realize it was more than just watching you jam out until after I read what @colinkiama had to say, it was only then that I went back to watch the whole video in its entirety.
Second video I didn’t watch until, once again, I had already read what Colin had said. I started it with the knowledge that I had gained not only from Colin’s critique but from your previous video…so I waited through it the first time, but a good half of the song you use initially could be cut down.
Now, if you really wanted to use the 16 second format for these, Colin’s suggestion for more interesting shots comes into play…and it a very valid and important piece of advice. Though I usually only do aesthetic type material when I am using music and I don’t use it so much for humor…it still applies…and as such, I try to keep my clips under 3 seconds a piece for music focused. I try to make the clips entertaining or aesthetically pleasing to watch.
If you wanted to add layers or depth to it (as these are both very cut and dry in the field of depth) you could add things that would be comical just in what you are doing in the lead up.
Remember that with a longer format, you need to grab and keep the viewers attention…or people will scroll away from it in the first 3 seconds.
A lovely, and rather humorous example of this is @RayRayLego’s most recent byte. It’s longer, yes. But he immediately throws in something that makes you chuckle. Right off the bat, you are giggling.
It’s a great concept, just tailor it a little and you’ll be golden!