My Biggest Problem: Pushing People Away

I decided to make this to explain myself alittle bit more, i guess? I dont know. In some way I need to do it. So, here.

One of the few things that I end up doing a lot is to push people away. Its a defense mechanism I think. Half of the time I’m not sure why I end up doing it, I just do. Maybe it’s because I fear losing people by actually showing who I am. I Throughout highschool I tried hiding my true self. I posted a video of me singing, got bullied, never showed my singing voice to anyone again except my best friend. Go to a party, turns out I was there to be made fun of. Some guys say some girl in school liked me so i asked them out, get rejected, and it becomes a big joke. I got ridiculed for quite alot of things and it gave me anxiety to high heaven. I can make friends, but I’ll get extremely anxious about keeping them. Like ‘oh i bored them off’ ‘I weirded them out’ ‘just go with the flow, don’t try to be yourself, thats not cool brah’. Sooo, I do. Until I cave in and burn bridges so I don’t end up having to later from just heartbreak or being just me. So I sit down, shut up, and try to fit in when needed to. But, I realized that I really don’t fit in alot of places. Funny enough, the only place I really fit into is literally a pokemon battle simulator server, which was one of the things I got picked on alot for. So I burned more bridges.
I don’t think I really purposely mean to do it. I mean, it isn’t like I set out to make friends just to mess it all up in the end, I try to make friends infact I love to make friends here, everyone is so cool and nice and sweet… I’m just very scared and worried about it even when there is nothing to worry about… that anxiety itches at me every minute… Which is why I say ‘Sorry’ for Just saying things that are on my mind. Alot of mental abuse from old ‘friendships’ did that to me. And I’m scared to get close. I try, but ig fear always wins in the end. The fear of ‘they dont like me’, ‘im not wanted around’, ‘ill be a bother’, etc. even writing this im like “people will just find me whiney and just would want me to shut up” Because I mean i know i am, and i shouldnt, i should keep to myself because my problems are just stupid shit. God I feel like an attention whore when I dont even want attention. I just… wanted to explain myself. Maybe someone will understand.

So what is your biggest problem? Is there anything that you guys struggle with? Things that make you do something you’re really not wanting to but happens because its something that protects you? Do you have anxiety about certain things? If so what would it be?

I dont mean to be a stick in the mud with this post, I just really wanted to open up about it more since i care about everyone that ive gotten to know and love them, and maybe explain better in this way. But yeah, lets have a conversation.

Stay lovely
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I’m so sorry about all that stuff you had to go through. I get anxiety about a lot of things but mostly talking to and interacting with people.

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My biggest problem is actually meeting people, seeing as I study from home and I live far away from people. I’m always here to talk to you nick, you know that <3

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Nicky, you’re an amazing human being and I personality love you man. I’m sorry the anxiety is killing your skin and I don’t want you to go but I do want you to get the help your mind deserve! You can always talk to me

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Nick! I’m glad you’re able to open up and I’m sorry about what you’re going through you definitely don’t deserve that. You were one of the first people I met on the byte discord and I remember you have always been sooo nice and welcoming. We’re all here for you cause you deserve to be able to get close to people and not push them away :yellow_heart:
My biggest problem with meeting people is probably just how much I overthink the way they see me. I get attached to people easily and I doubt that they enjoy my friendship as much as I do theirs. Even if we’re close I get scared that everything is in my head and that the feelings only go one way.

I hope this helps you out rn and I’m always here for you frendo :’)

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You dont have to be sorry, dw.

I have anxiety too with talking to people but ive been really working on it, even if it means pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I hope you can work on it too :slight_smile:

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Thank you daniel, and dont worry ill buy a ticket to the land of Scotts for you. Michael Scotts

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Thank you alex, youre a great person too. Love you mang.

I hope I’m able to get the help I need, maybe moving out of here will help me with that. Louisiana has been a serious pain for me since ive moved. I know ill be better if i get out.

And ill keep that in mind, i just dont want to end up bothering you. <3

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Thank you mia, youve always been the best of friends to me. Im glad I’ve met you <3 and yeah, ill try to work on it. Promise.

I have that problem too, hence me trying to push people away. I get attached but then I get too scared. Dont worry, youll always be a great friend to me. <3

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Nick, I admire your ability to open up and share your experiences with us. Don’t hesitate ask for advice. I’m really wishing you the best. Also, try not to be too hard on yourself. Take time for yourself & remember people are here for you. Don’t be afraid to continue making friends and trying to keep those friendships. It’s so worth it. You’re amazing don’t be afraid to show that.:revolving_hearts:

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That’s very brave of you to tell the forums about this. We love you man and you’re always wanted here.

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Yo nick

I understand the friend leaving thing, among all the others. I get scared aboub having a genuine conversation with people because I’m always afraid of alienating them or something. It really, really, hurts when people leave, but you need to understand that you are enough. Maybe even more. You do what you want and what you believe, and you don’t exist for other people. You exist for you. Don’t forget.

Think back to the time when you were happy, and just remember.

and we’re here for you :green_heart:

as always and as ever

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Thank you alana, youre amazing <3 and ill try to work on it, i promise.

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I love you dad
I mean father figure
I mean bro
I mean sibling figure
I mean man
I mean male presence
I mean dude.

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Thank you arf, youre always a great guy. Im glad we can relate to something, it means alot.

Ily bud now
Ps. i teared up for somereason.

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You are so cool. I didn’t even know you felt this way. People dropped hints on the discord but you’re super chill there. I’m glad you opened up and expressed yourself. That’s very badass. :muscle:
and guess what. YOU’RE NOT ALONE! I struggle with anxiety sometimes too.

Me personally I’m not ready to open up yet. A couple years ago I was attacked by swarms of haters. It did a number on my mental health. So I try not to show “weakness”. That’s why I want to be successful on Byte. One of my motivations is to prove them ALL wrong. #YouAreNotAlone

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“man” works :wink:

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you’re a great person nick! literally so cool, caring and friendly. never forget that!

i can relate to A LOT of this. you aren’t alone. im always here for u to vent to💙

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Lol bro you’re a god. Never change. ( an old head told me this when i told him of my short comings… Well what i thought to be shortcomings). You’re not scared, you’re just smart. To what degree? I dont know. But the friends you had irl seem like they all ended up puttin you on blast for clout.
So its easy to understand why you might feel like pushing people away before their acts of betrayal. You’ll recognize real when you see it though.

So like i said.
(Wake up in the morning everday and say:)
“You’re a god”
(Take care of your body and you:)
Dont ever change
(Widen your horizons and you’ll know:) More.

Mind,body and soul bro. Rootin for ya.

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My god, this is how I feel. I never thought these feelings could be put into words. I’m so sorry that those idiots bullied you, you don’t deserve that. Pretty much everything I can think of has already been said but I just want you to know you’re not alone. Everyone on the forums is here for you, Nick. We love you :heart:

Also if you ever want to talk, my DMs are always open. Whether you want to talk about your feelings or just want to send feet pics, I’ll be there.

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