Embarrassing stories

heyooo it’s me. you probably have no idea who i am. but if you’ve seen me around, i’m jay and i embarrass myself like there is no tomorrow.

i like funny/embarrassing stories, and i like sharing mine because it’s better to laugh at yourself for past mishaps than regret them forever (satan knows i regret enough things)

if you guys have an embarrassing, cringey, awkward, or funny story, please drop it below. childhood, teenhood, adulthood, whateverhood.

the world sucks. let’s brighten it up a bit and all have some laughs.

here is are a few of mine:

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Summary

when i was in year 5, an upperclassman told me that org*sm was a synonym for organism. you can infer how i expressed my knowledge of such in science class the next day.

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Summary

at sunday school back when i was a teenager there was this girl that took over for the class when the teacher stepped out for a minute and she asked everyone (all girls), “what do you like most about boys?”

i obviously wasn’t paying attention, i was reading a comic book inside of the bible i was holding open, so she taps me and repeats the question and i nonchalantly and without thinking or looking up from my book reply, “their girlfriends.”

cue the collective gasp and that’s how i came out to my entire sunday school class.

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Summary

so i am american born, but english is my third language and i was taught it by my english aunt. because of that as a child my vocabulary was strictly ‘british’, and so one day while waiting for the lift in our building (i was 6, maybe?) this man (neighbour) walks up at the same time as me and he asks, “can you call the elevator?”. And little baby me was like, what is elevator? AmErIcA EgXpLaIn?! (please keep in mind i was just freshly exposed to english) and i look at him confused and then all around the room and then i look him in the eye and i just up and yell, “ELEVATOR PLEASE COME” with a little high pitched accent.
i have not seen anyone look so confused and amused at the same time.

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Summary

when i was a toddler it took me a while to get potty trained. i was bloody reading books before i finally learned how to use the ‘potty’.
i would just go to town any and everywhere.
my gran back home in her home country in eastern europe had this neighbour who owned a syringe and every time we passed by her window she’d wave the syringe and would tell me that i would get a jab if i peed my pants.

i would go, “nnOOOOONOoooooooOOO” and squat and wave my index finger back and forth, but wouldn’t even go 3 more steps before peeing my pants.

i’m happy to announce that i am fully potty trained these days.

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One time when I was like 10 I accidentally locked myself in my closet for a good 4 hours.

Door was jammed from the outside so I cried for a bit, accepted my fate, took a really long nap, and eventually got the courage to hip check the door until it opened. That hip check is honestly the only reason I’m still around

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that sounds horrifying…ly like something i would do.

and i actually have. i’ve locked myself in my physics classroom janitor’s closet.

had a helluva time with the hoover and random powders and chemicals.

hope you’re not scarred for life

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I´m not embarrassed about them but still I want to share this memories.

  • Once I was duct taped to my school classroom wall.
  • Other time I told my entire classroom to come to school in pajamas and indeed they did. The principal got really mad at us.
  • I pasted with super strong glue my shoe to the schoolbus floor and my friends and I tried like for 10 minutes to take off the shoe of the floor and it was almost impossible.
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The Miscellaneous Underwear SORRY ITS LONG
Me and my friends went hiking with Duke of ed and we pitched our tents and we went out for about 7 hours, when we got to bed at 11 pm that night I went to put something down and I picked up a piece of fabric, when I felt them for a while, they felt lacy and underwear like. I asked my friend next to me if they were hers and she said no. We then turned on the light and to our horror, there was a pair of bright lacy purple underwear in my hands that didn’t belong to any of us. After 5 minutes of trying to figure out who owned them, we got scared as we thought they “belonged to Satan” and threw them outside. The next morning they somehow ended outside one of the teachers tents. It was his first year at our school and he was REALLY young and attractive (he worked for a modelling agency on the side). We were too scared to tell anyone so there’s now a conspiracy theory at our school that a haunted grandma that tried to hit on the teacher by leaving the underpants outside the tent and she takes dibs on him in the afterlife, its been 3 years and no one has gotten over it, the freshmen even know the story

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when i was in 8th grade, i was doing a presentation and i had a panic attack. my vision went black and blood was rushing to my face and i couldnt see my paper anymore. my teacher realized what was going on and let me sit. it was embarrassing for me :grimacing: a lighter story: i got stuck in a ladder when i was 8 and my mom had to help me out

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jfc. that is absolutely hilarious

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i’m really sorry about the first one. my best friend is very prone to panic attacks and it scares me how much they scare him so stay strong <3

i’ve gotten stuck on a ladder before. when i was 18. and last month. most likely i will again in a couple of weeks.

(btw is your username after the title of bjork’s album?)

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yeah anxiety sucks :confused: and i’ve actually never heard anything by bjork but i’ve heard good things! i listen to a band called vesperteen and i just spelled it different haha

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I walked into a glass door infront of everyone

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Thank you, it’s always one of my go-to stories whenever im around someone that isn’t from my school :joy:

EDIT: ALSO I LOVE THE ELEVATOR STORY YOU WROTE ABOVE CAUSE I DID SOMETHING REALLY SIMILAR WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. (When I was a kid there used to be a certain breed of bird that chilled on my house balcony and since my parents are first gen Australian they had English as their second language. They didn’t know what the breed of bird was so they called it “Chicco pasticcio” which is Italian slang. Fast forward to year 8 biology and we were learning about the types of species birds and this breed came up, my arm went into the air faster than a bullet and with 100% confidence I said “Chicco pasticcio” and I have never seen any more confused faces in my LIFE)

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When I was 12 and I was in my science class, I was explaining something to do with organisms but I by accidentally went and said orgasm instead of the other word.

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really? i’ve heard ‘it will never be enough’ by them and it sounds pretty good though it’s not my music taste.

and i highly recommend bjork. but her music is like an acquired taste. if you want to give her a shot, you should start with her first solo album called ‘debut’.

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mate, i have one leading to the kitchen and i bump into it every morning, evening, and at 3 am.

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i feel you so hard. foreign parents make life difficult sometimes but it’s so funny

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ouch…

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Omg i died at the second story :joy::joy:

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I walked into a sofa and said sorry to it. Even worse, my bitchy cousin was there and to this day Ive never heard the end of it :sob::woman_facepalming:

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Junior year of high school I decided to donate blood when they came to our school. There’s a specific weight you had to at least be to donate, for safety reasons. I knew my scale was off but I really wanted to donate blood so I wrote down the exact minimum weight on the permission papers. Got to school and went through the long lines texting my friend. (Note: I received lots of warnings from the nurses even though I was the approved minimum weight). I noticed while waiting that my ex was with the high school nursing program and was helping out at the after donating snack bar. Finally I was hooked up to the needle and donated blood. By the time I was finished I was starving. I knew I had to interact with my ex because we were required to eat and drink something sugary after donating. I walked up and made awkward conversation. I started to feel dizzy and said bye so I can go sit down. I didn’t make it far. My vision went black and I lost complete feeling in my body. I heard my ex and someone else shouting for a nurse. Then I heard some lady telling me that I needed to open my eyes. I didn’t want to but when I did I saw the gym ceiling and my ex over me. I had passed out and the girl walking up behind me caught me then my ex had come around and helped me. They asked if I knew where I was, my name, etc. I remembered everything except what happened during the blackout. They brought a wheelchair and my ex lifted me into it and whispered something like, ‘Don’t be embarrassed you’re okay now’. My face must have been really red. Then they did a check up, called my mum, and made me drink like 4 cans of apple juice. And thats the story of how I basically passed out in my exes arms. Wow I’m embarrassed typing this out. :sweat_smile:

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oath to that :joy:

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